just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
