:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize