JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
