He uses pillows to masturbate.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We had sex on a dog bed..
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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