Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
