I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
