his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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