If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize