So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
