I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
