I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
this beer tastes like vomit already
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
So squirting runs in the family.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize