I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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