Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
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