and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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