Soap is not a condiment
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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