You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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