She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
