i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
