the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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