i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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