I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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