Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
