Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
