I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
