Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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