Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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