I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
