absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
