oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize