I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
