I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize