what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
