is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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