Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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