he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
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