Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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