Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
