My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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