making cat noises will not fix the situation.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
