ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
