I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
do nipples grow back?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
