You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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