We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
