I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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