They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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