what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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