If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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