somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
