i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
