Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize