Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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