His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
