U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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