Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
