New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
