So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
