Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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