he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
