he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
