Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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