Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
