I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize