Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
