I like to think it a success when the cops are called
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
