I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I am one with the molecules
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize