I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
