u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Can I color on your dick again?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
