Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
