is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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