The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
