idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
