Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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