Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
