its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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