didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
