sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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