I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize