Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
