Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
