Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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