For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
