I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
