apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
