we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
