I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
