I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize