ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
