In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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