McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
