Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
