remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
