I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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