I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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