Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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