billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
