Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
