Everything about him screamed your future.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
