Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize