he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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