no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
